Man I feel yah, Ive quit music so many times but this time I finally gave up in a good way. Im not trying to make it anymore, Im just making all the music I can before I die, thats all. Its been liberating! Great article brother! Much Love!
Thanks for the love, Christian. Right back at you! Wernt you working on this beautiful ambient music earlier this year? I see you're YouTube channel is still up and running. How's it going so far doing music in a more private way?
“This is the pinnacle of my entire life” ahahaha this is me with every release i make.
i had to quit music in 2017 because i literally couldn't write. it was a few diff factors which played into it, but it literally felt like a breakup to me. the more i talk to other musicians the more i see that loads of us have taken time away for different reasons, which is comforting! glad you're making music again.
Oh man, yeah. It is so comforting knowing that taking breaks from a project this is actually normal. That might be one of my biggest take-aways here: like, it's okay to step back, take a break, recede, do something different, etc, and that doesn't have to mean I'm ALL DONE. Or am no longer an artist. Or was wrong to want to be in the first place.
Incredible essay, Matthew. Definitely something I rushed to read. I remember witnessing first-hand some of these shifts. Maybe one of my favourite things about having good friends who are also artists and writers is getting to look back at a time that we shared together and see it through the current creator's eye.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm glad your back!
I had my own mini version of this. Maybe I'll write more formally about it someday. Similarly to you, I also became jaded (or something) about music after my tenure playing with Jordan. It didn't have anything to do with anyone personally but my claim was that,
"Doing this (making music, touring, spinning this merry-go-round of the "industry") was selfish. Shouldn't we be putting down our instruments and going to law school to 'make the world a better place'?"
I think maybe not even a year later after quitting music I was at one of my favourite songwriter's concerts (Cass McCombs) and I had a Pauline re-conversion. During that show, listening to Cass and his band play my favourite songs, I wept knowing this was one of the most important things and that I had to remain a part of the conversation.
I also though it was pretty cool that despite it being a "dry" show at a church in Kitsilano, Cass and his band gave away some of their rider beers from the stage saying,
Thank-you Simon. Really, thank you. It's pretty special walking this road together. I'm glad you're back too.
Isn't it wild how art-making requires this great measure of humility?
Like, there's this part of me that believes I am only earning my keep (on the planet, I mean), if I am producing some measurable and verifiable benefit to myself and others. It's so easy for me to see that when someone else makes art that this is "beneficial" or Good on an almost cosmic level, but if it's me, "nah, too much of a risk. how will I KNOW it will really be worth it?" Well, I'll have to surrender the desire to KNOW won't I? I'll just have to take steps in an act of trust or faith that being what I am is what the universe has for me, and what I am is someone who wants to make art. Okay, do I have the humility to let go of the illusion of control and just let that happen? however it will happen?
Gosh, I don't know. For now, I'll just take the next step.
"Probably no one is asking those questions but me, but my answer is that trying to find an audience who is willing to support my music-making financially is, in the end, “just for the fun of it.”"
This is one of my main struggles when talking about making art (or even something more mundane like 'content'). I think something kind of compels us to feel some kind of guilt about it - probably ourselves unconsciously trying to protect ourselves from the pain of not getting something we really want. But to the hell with it, right? I agree with you, it IS just for the fun of it!
I tooooootally get this. It's like, I must somehow both participate in the hussle and remain "above it" at the same time (or that's the belief, anyways!). What if I just focus on what's fun? If it's not fun, why am I doing it at all? If it is fun, then I can fall asleep proud.
This is a really wonderful piece, thank you for sharing it. As someone who also is getting back to their music after reading The Artist's Way, this resonated so much. Especially the part you wrote at the end about doing it for the kid in you who always dreamed of being a musician.
No seriously, that little kid in me knows what's up. He’s not great at time management or moderating candy intake or financial planning, so I take of all that and just watch him go wild.
I could have written something very similar, except my art is writing, not music. (I would have liked it to be music. But alas, I have the musical ability of a gnat, and that's likely unfair to gnats. But my books have many musicians in them.) I gave up on it for many years. It refused to give up on me, thankfully.
Isn't that the way it goes! The creative work seems to have its own wisdom and always does what it needs to find its way back to us. (Or, maybe, to draw us back to it!)
Thanks for sharing your journey thus far, I imagine a lot of folks identify with this, including me. I think retaining a life-long creative practice is important for every single person and sharing stuff gives you extra courage points, no matter how it is received. I always appreciate artists that have complicated aspects of their lives outside of art-making; it is additive. Cheers!
I agree! Human beings are creative creatures, full stop. I don't really believe in the existence of a special species called "artists" (that's what always bugs me about biopics--they always seem to make the artist into some sort of mythic other). For me it's become an almost spiritual practice. I hope I can keep going till I die.
Keep going. Great post. You know, I think you have a whole album worth of material just in this post. I have found several things on Substack that I have saved because I know they are speaking to me as a song or an album. Maybe this is something like that for you.
There is so much that resonates with me here. I also read Julia Cameron’s book in 2022, after the loss of my father, and it helped me find myself. Or so I thought. I’m tired of chasing for attention around my music, and I just wonder know whether I should just stop trying and just play whenever I feel like it. Having made music my job - gigging a lot for weddings, private events and all - is a win in some way, but it leaves me kinda empty when it comes to the creative aspect of it. I write songs, often, but I’m also often discouraged by the amount of things to do after that (recording, producing, mixing, releasing). I’m often paralysed, left thinking about how great it would be if I were to be creative and active all the time. All that to say I’m happy to read you found part of your answer. Love to read you !
I think it’s making art in this day and age that brings up the difficulties. In my wildest dreams, I’m the local village buffoon, making silly songs, unaware if the buffoon in the next town is as better harp player than he is.
I couldn't imagine quitting music. I think we all have those dreams of fame and fortune when we are young. Then the doubt creeps in. And many do quit. I couldn't. I will never be famous or rich from music, but I have learned that I have to make music. It is part of my being and necessary for my well-being. So I play in local bands, and write and record at home. And I livestream on TikTok. I am not a singer, but I decided a couple of years ago that I would sing my own songs anyway. It is really the only practical way for me to get the songs done. I enjoy songwriting as much as playing. So I will make music as long as I can. I need to be creative. No expectations. Just doing what I love.
Man I feel yah, Ive quit music so many times but this time I finally gave up in a good way. Im not trying to make it anymore, Im just making all the music I can before I die, thats all. Its been liberating! Great article brother! Much Love!
Thanks for the love, Christian. Right back at you! Wernt you working on this beautiful ambient music earlier this year? I see you're YouTube channel is still up and running. How's it going so far doing music in a more private way?
“This is the pinnacle of my entire life” ahahaha this is me with every release i make.
i had to quit music in 2017 because i literally couldn't write. it was a few diff factors which played into it, but it literally felt like a breakup to me. the more i talk to other musicians the more i see that loads of us have taken time away for different reasons, which is comforting! glad you're making music again.
Oh man, yeah. It is so comforting knowing that taking breaks from a project this is actually normal. That might be one of my biggest take-aways here: like, it's okay to step back, take a break, recede, do something different, etc, and that doesn't have to mean I'm ALL DONE. Or am no longer an artist. Or was wrong to want to be in the first place.
Incredible essay, Matthew. Definitely something I rushed to read. I remember witnessing first-hand some of these shifts. Maybe one of my favourite things about having good friends who are also artists and writers is getting to look back at a time that we shared together and see it through the current creator's eye.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm glad your back!
I had my own mini version of this. Maybe I'll write more formally about it someday. Similarly to you, I also became jaded (or something) about music after my tenure playing with Jordan. It didn't have anything to do with anyone personally but my claim was that,
"Doing this (making music, touring, spinning this merry-go-round of the "industry") was selfish. Shouldn't we be putting down our instruments and going to law school to 'make the world a better place'?"
I think maybe not even a year later after quitting music I was at one of my favourite songwriter's concerts (Cass McCombs) and I had a Pauline re-conversion. During that show, listening to Cass and his band play my favourite songs, I wept knowing this was one of the most important things and that I had to remain a part of the conversation.
I also though it was pretty cool that despite it being a "dry" show at a church in Kitsilano, Cass and his band gave away some of their rider beers from the stage saying,
"What's a rock 'n roll show without any beer?"
Thank-you Simon. Really, thank you. It's pretty special walking this road together. I'm glad you're back too.
Isn't it wild how art-making requires this great measure of humility?
Like, there's this part of me that believes I am only earning my keep (on the planet, I mean), if I am producing some measurable and verifiable benefit to myself and others. It's so easy for me to see that when someone else makes art that this is "beneficial" or Good on an almost cosmic level, but if it's me, "nah, too much of a risk. how will I KNOW it will really be worth it?" Well, I'll have to surrender the desire to KNOW won't I? I'll just have to take steps in an act of trust or faith that being what I am is what the universe has for me, and what I am is someone who wants to make art. Okay, do I have the humility to let go of the illusion of control and just let that happen? however it will happen?
Gosh, I don't know. For now, I'll just take the next step.
"Probably no one is asking those questions but me, but my answer is that trying to find an audience who is willing to support my music-making financially is, in the end, “just for the fun of it.”"
This is one of my main struggles when talking about making art (or even something more mundane like 'content'). I think something kind of compels us to feel some kind of guilt about it - probably ourselves unconsciously trying to protect ourselves from the pain of not getting something we really want. But to the hell with it, right? I agree with you, it IS just for the fun of it!
I tooooootally get this. It's like, I must somehow both participate in the hussle and remain "above it" at the same time (or that's the belief, anyways!). What if I just focus on what's fun? If it's not fun, why am I doing it at all? If it is fun, then I can fall asleep proud.
This is a really wonderful piece, thank you for sharing it. As someone who also is getting back to their music after reading The Artist's Way, this resonated so much. Especially the part you wrote at the end about doing it for the kid in you who always dreamed of being a musician.
No seriously, that little kid in me knows what's up. He’s not great at time management or moderating candy intake or financial planning, so I take of all that and just watch him go wild.
I could have written something very similar, except my art is writing, not music. (I would have liked it to be music. But alas, I have the musical ability of a gnat, and that's likely unfair to gnats. But my books have many musicians in them.) I gave up on it for many years. It refused to give up on me, thankfully.
Isn't that the way it goes! The creative work seems to have its own wisdom and always does what it needs to find its way back to us. (Or, maybe, to draw us back to it!)
Thanks for sharing your journey thus far, I imagine a lot of folks identify with this, including me. I think retaining a life-long creative practice is important for every single person and sharing stuff gives you extra courage points, no matter how it is received. I always appreciate artists that have complicated aspects of their lives outside of art-making; it is additive. Cheers!
I agree! Human beings are creative creatures, full stop. I don't really believe in the existence of a special species called "artists" (that's what always bugs me about biopics--they always seem to make the artist into some sort of mythic other). For me it's become an almost spiritual practice. I hope I can keep going till I die.
Keep going. Great post. You know, I think you have a whole album worth of material just in this post. I have found several things on Substack that I have saved because I know they are speaking to me as a song or an album. Maybe this is something like that for you.
Thanks Tamara :)
The funny thing is I don't know if I've tried writing songs directly about these experiences yet. I think that might be a good thing to try!
There is so much that resonates with me here. I also read Julia Cameron’s book in 2022, after the loss of my father, and it helped me find myself. Or so I thought. I’m tired of chasing for attention around my music, and I just wonder know whether I should just stop trying and just play whenever I feel like it. Having made music my job - gigging a lot for weddings, private events and all - is a win in some way, but it leaves me kinda empty when it comes to the creative aspect of it. I write songs, often, but I’m also often discouraged by the amount of things to do after that (recording, producing, mixing, releasing). I’m often paralysed, left thinking about how great it would be if I were to be creative and active all the time. All that to say I’m happy to read you found part of your answer. Love to read you !
Thanks for sharing this. It's pretty cool to think we were both reading the AW for the first time in the same year.
And gosh, isn't it true that trying to make art always brings up the difficult stuff! All the best as you keep finding your way forward!
I think it’s making art in this day and age that brings up the difficulties. In my wildest dreams, I’m the local village buffoon, making silly songs, unaware if the buffoon in the next town is as better harp player than he is.
I couldn't imagine quitting music. I think we all have those dreams of fame and fortune when we are young. Then the doubt creeps in. And many do quit. I couldn't. I will never be famous or rich from music, but I have learned that I have to make music. It is part of my being and necessary for my well-being. So I play in local bands, and write and record at home. And I livestream on TikTok. I am not a singer, but I decided a couple of years ago that I would sing my own songs anyway. It is really the only practical way for me to get the songs done. I enjoy songwriting as much as playing. So I will make music as long as I can. I need to be creative. No expectations. Just doing what I love.